| a post for the ages |
[Jun. 12th, 2004|09:55 am] |
i feel great. i feel so amazing right now. i
slept so wonderful last night, which is a rare
thing for me. and i didnt even wake up at all
this morning. well i woke up at 10, then at
11:30 when the alarm went off for melissa... but
that was it.
i suppose i feel so good because last night was
just as wonderful. i was tired, but what is
new. :D the evening started off when melissa got
home and scared the crap out of me. i was
plugged into Rez, one of the only things that can
completey make me focus entirely, yep she scared
the bejezuz out of me. then we went grocery
(cant spell) shopping and that was all good. we
didnt over spend :) then we got home ate some
food which i actually cooked! it was spicey ass
potato thins. i couldnt bare em, but it made me
really happy that melissa ate em up. i will have
to add less chili pepper next time :( theeen we
watched edward scissor hands, and when i thought
the evening was over melissa convinced me to go
for a walk. it was amazing. just like old
times. i had that surreal feeling that i used to
get when i was with her. we walked through the
grave yard, then went to pazants and sat in the
tenis cort for awhille. :) some minor mischief
on the way of course. haha i love melissa more
than anything. life is going to be so amazing.
this month will be our 6th month anniversery, and
i continue to find myself falling deeper and
deeper in love with her. waking up to her every
morning is undescribable. she is like no other
human in the world.
i feel so great right now. im also lilstening to
jar of flies by alice in chains. it is so
fucking great. it reminds me of melissa :) is
why i put it on.
well i think i am going to go play Rez now. i
just wanted to wake up a little bit before i did.
hmm the only other people that might possibly be
reading this are heather and julia. so if you
see this, i hope you are both doing very well :)
you guys should come over to the apartment when i
am home sometime :) |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 1st, 2004|12:02 am] |
its hard to describe the feeling i have when
melissa pulls her fingers through my hair. i say
this because it is the last thing i felt since
she just left the room. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 25th, 2004|09:09 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  artistic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | (in my head) Twilight Singers (i forget the song name) | ] |
wholy moley! i am making a website from the
dreamcast =) its taking me forever but i am so
stoked about it. i think about it soo often, i
was like that with my old websited too.
basically i would think about the problems i am
having and try to solve them. most of the time i
do. or i think of web designs and ideas =) its
great, the other night it was keeping me from
sleeping =) so i am doing that, and i am
painting, and i am still in the band with shawn.
So my artistic side is really florishing (thanks
melissa lol)
i wish i had more time to spend with melissa, we
are livin together so we do see eachother
everyday but latey i miss her. its weird, we
talked about that tonight. we are both just
stressed and blah. i dont know. what the fuck
am i doing typing in here when she is waiting for
me in bed. im such a fuck ass.
later freqs |
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| its been awhile |
[Apr. 21st, 2004|10:06 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | none, but i should put some on | ] |
well we are all moved in and settled down and
what not. i must say everything is going so
well, living with melissa is amazing. i knew it
would be, and i knew things wouldnt change much.
we used to see eachother this much anyway.
i just got finished messaging julia, and before
that i was painting. it is a painting i have
been working on for about 3 months now i think...
its finally cominig along now. i still have a
long way to go because the painting wont be
finished until i have that feeling inside that it
is truley finished. i have many ideas for it
still. everytime i paint though i can only do so
much at a time because there is so much going on
in the painting. i suppose that is why it is
going to take so long.
im hungry... shitty i just ate.
so julia is most likely coming over tommorow =)
im looking forward to it. we are going to play
videogames and i hopefully watch some anime!
blah im uncomfortable on the floor... so im going
to leave. |
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| lets burst all the bubbles that brainwash the masses |
[Apr. 10th, 2004|11:08 am] |
| [ | music |
| | Echo And The Bunnymen - The Killing moon | ] |
im feeling better, im not sure how much better... but definately better. im glad i came home last night, i missed melissa but i fell asleep at like 8:50, woke up at around 2:40 talked to my mom for a few minutes then went back to sleep until around 10am. it was nice, my mom gave me medication and made me breakfast and everything. it was nice to wake up here... its been over 4 months, and last night i slept in my old room, i forgot how much i missed my stars on my seiling... i spent so much time staring at them and thinking as a kid. i think that is why i fell asleep so fast.
big day ahead of us today, we are moving all the big stuff into our apartment, the last of the stuff. then we have lots to do, i am exicited. i love to unpack, i started to unpack yesterday but then melissa reminded me that there was no point cause we dont have anywhere to put anything =/ im such a dummy. im just glad im not feeling as shitty as i was yesterday... it was because i worked from 8-4 and didnt get much sleep the night before.
i should get in the shower. oh yeah, melissa i won the dreamcast vga adapter for 2.75! fuckin rights, we will have internet in a couple weeks... we just have to find a cheap isp. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 26th, 2004|11:25 am] |
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it has been over a month since i have last posted. i guess there is so much to say that i dont feel like typing it all out. i love melissa more then ever, my sister had a baby annnnnnnd yeah i guess those are the most important things. i dont even feel like typing, i want to play some tetris =) |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 21st, 2004|07:42 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | wacky | ] |
| [ | music |
| | BT featuring Wildchild - Kimosabe | ] |
melissa go check your email, annnnnnd some jackass left you a message to your feb 20th post!
uh oh, GINGER! i must run.
love you melissa! |
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| hapiness is your girlfriends hand down your pants |
[Feb. 20th, 2004|03:30 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Smashing Pumpkins - 1979 | ] |
i just spent the last 72 hours with melissa, now i am at my parents house and i miss her terribly... im not going to see her today either =/ both of our streets havn't been ploud(?) yet and it was a pretty bitchy walk here so i dont expect her to walk all the way to my place. plus she is probablty getting sick of me.. =P
im not really looking forward to going "home" i have a weird vibe already. i mean we got about 4 feet of snow, and i wasnt home to shovel one inch of it. i think jill is probably going to be bitchy toward me. i hope not... ugh.
anyway, i should get going. |
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| subject lines are optional |
[Feb. 14th, 2004|02:50 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | tired | ] |
live journal... its something i feel i would like to do. i think about posting journals all the time, like i used to. but like i have said in past posts what is the point? i then ask myself why dont i start writting an actual journal? i never give myself a straight answer, maybe i will do that. or maybe i will just keep on playing dreamcast.
i love dreamcast so much lately, more then ever i think... cause i got some great new games =) thanks to garet i can pretty much have any dreamcast game in the world that i desire. well so far its been like that anyway, tonight i tried evil twin for the first time and i cant wait to play it at home with a memory card, my tv and my controller =) its going to kick ass.
but i have been doing more then playing games, i started painting which is really really fun. i dont know how to paint really, im just simply painting. spending time with melissa of course and working still. i want to start taking more pictures again but without an internet connection on my dreamcast the pictures wont go any further then the camera itself. that shouldnt stop me.. but it does.
hmmm i dont know. if anyone wants to get in touch with me email me at eriatarka_cicatriz@hotmail.com
maybe i will make another post in a few days. but dont hold your breath. |
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| subject lines are optional |
[Feb. 14th, 2004|02:40 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | tired | ] |
live journal... its something i feel i would like to do. i think about posting journals all the time, like i used to. but like i have said in past posts what is the point? i then ask myself why dont i start writting an actual journal? i never give myself a straight answer, maybe i will do that. or maybe i will just keep on playing dreamcast.
i love dreamcast so much lately, more then ever i think... cause i got some great new games =) thanks to garet i can pretty much have any dreamcast game in the world that i desire. well so far its been like that anyway, tonight i tried evil twin for the first time and i cant wait to play it at home with a memory card, my tv and my controller =) its going to kick ass.
but i have been doing more then playing games, i started painting which is really really fun. i dont know how to paint really, im just simply painting. spending time with melissa of course and working still. i want to start taking more pictures again but without an internet connection on my dreamcast the pictures wont go any further then the camera itself. that shouldnt stop me.. but it does.
hmmm i dont know. if anyone wants to get in touch with me email me at [ Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<a [...] to:eriatarka_cicatriz@hotmail.com>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] live journal... its something i feel i would like to do. i think about posting journals all the time, like i used to. but like i have said in past posts what is the point? i then ask myself why dont i start writting an actual journal? i never give myself a straight answer, maybe i will do that. or maybe i will just keep on playing dreamcast. i love dreamcast so much lately, more then ever i think... cause i got some great new games =) thanks to garet i can pretty much have any dreamcast game in the world that i desire. well so far its been like that anyway, tonight i tried evil twin for the first time and i cant wait to play it at home with a memory card, my tv and my controller =) its going to kick ass. but i have been doing more then playing games, i started painting which is really really fun. i dont know how to paint really, im just simply painting. spending time with melissa of course and working still. i want to start taking more pictures again but without an internet connection on my dreamcast the pictures wont go any further then the camera itself. that shouldnt stop me.. but it does. hmmm i dont know. if anyone wants to get in touch with me email me at <a href=mail to:eriatarka_cicatriz@hotmail.com>eriatarka_cicatriz@hotmail.com</a> maybe i will make another post in a few days. but dont hold your breath. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 22nd, 2004|12:20 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  melancholy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the sound of laundry spinning in an endless abiss | ] |
event? ... im not used to posting entries from the live journal website. it took me a few minutes even to find out how to get here, i have a client on my parents computer.
melissa is in the shower and im just waiting for her... its been ages since i have posted, mainly because i no longer live at home. but i only have 3 friends on here anyway and i know them all in real life. one of them is my girlfriend, one of them kind of feels like a long lost friend and the other i dont know as much so yeah... i guess i just like writting out my thoughts more then anything. that is what journals are for.. but im only posting now because im bored and i dont want to watch tv. haha watching tv lately has just reminded me of how much i actually dislike it. its okay every once in a while.. i dont mind american idol. and as typical as it would sound for me to say i hate reality tv shows.. and i really do.. but some part of me likes them. but i think that is the part of me that hates me and likes to torcher me anyway so yeah..
and i went to the doctor today, forgot to get her to check out the physical parts of me like my ear and my back. ohwell.. maybe next time. i have to see her in 3 weeks because we decided to up my medication, well she asked what i thought about that and i said i guess it cant hurt. blah i dont know.. fucking ugh.
you know and im such a selfish fucking asshole... i worry about how long melissa will put up with me. i was looking forward to seeing her so bad, and she probably was looking forward to seeing me too and ever since i have came over here i just been all shitty cause i feel shitty and i cant help that. i really hate going to see doctors. but she dosnt need that shit you know.. she shouldnt have to worry or feel sad on my account. she deserves someone better then me, i wish she could see how fucking beautiful she is. but i love her and im glad she puts up with me, i wouldnt want to loose her for anything. i feel lucky to have her, i just wish i could be more.
well here comes melissa, sooo yeah im going to go hug her to death. i feel a little better now. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 6th, 2004|12:42 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  okay | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Nine Inch Nails - Dead Souls | ] |
a garden
yellow and silver, i start to shiver
and the undressed skies turn frigid against the face of glory
the naked fields, the bleak forest
the silent sigh is heard and long forgotten
the mountains stand alone, i crawl before them
among footprints that have raped the land
among memmories that smile
among the broken men that still lament
then a garden marked with sudden decay showed strength on the horizon
and i felt growth on this day
i still remember the fregrances that were born
and the love that filled the air
our hands were bound together
i want to protect them |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 5th, 2004|03:47 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  aggravated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Blue Oyster Cult - Don't Fear The Reaper | ] |
i just checked my email and recieved a message from kayla saying she is back in nova scotia, not just nova scotia.. but in fucking sackville.
why must my town be poisoned, i dont think it can take anymore. as much as i try to love it here in sackville i think it is becoming hopeless. its not the town, it is the people who infest it.
i want to take melissa and move far far away. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 5th, 2004|03:33 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Desparecidos - Man and Wife, the Latter | ] |
woke up cranky as hell, then calmed down. work was a nice relaxing night tonight, then i got to spend good quality time with melissa afterwards. i just finished eating nacho's that my mom prepared for me. so i am feeling okay.
im hoping i will sleep better tonight then last. im really tired so i think i will.
well lets go try. |
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| someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed... |
[Jan. 4th, 2004|12:26 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  grumpy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | ...By The Trail Of Dead - How Near, How Far | ] |
yep. and im tired... i slept horribly. for some reason i felt nervous all night... i kept waking up and each time remembering the fucked up dream i was dreaming. a couple times i woke up and the dreams were great =) some where just strange and fucked as i said. i really dont want to go to work today, or ever again for that matter. i have been feeling that way alot lately, im just fucking fed up with working. i have to though, for the rest of my life i have to work at a shitty job that pisses me off. weither it is avery's or wherever.
i hate the way ham looks. i hate biting into the flesh of another.. but i do it because im indulgent and hungry.. and a conformed human. my attempts of trying to stop eating meat were futile, almost everything i try to do is... =/
ugh my parents are bitching at me to get going and help my dad move shit into the car... so i am going to go do that. hopefully when i return i wont be such a cranky asshole. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 4th, 2004|02:09 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sleepy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Counting Crows - Colorblind | ] |
i miss melissa like crazy... after spending 2 whole nights in a row with her it was really hard parting with her tonight. when we kissed goodbye my throat felt all choaked up.. i didnt want to leave. we watched labyrinth tonight thought and it was great. i saw it was i was really young and i barely remembered it so it was great. we started watching the bla... i mean the dark crystal ;) but we were both too tired to finish it. my walk home was okay... my feet got wet, (not complete soakers so dont feel bad melissa) i felt creative on the walk home. lines of poetry were flowing through my head and i just wanted to paint. i thought to myself i would go home and work on that drawing i started for melissa. but here i am typing instead of doing that. i am pretty tired.. and because of that it is kind of killing my motivation to do anything creative. i could be using this energy though... ehh i hate that.
last night was so amazing. as melissa said words can only cheapen something so beautiful, but it was a night that i never wanted to end. it will be a night i will never forget. it has been so long since i have looked forward to the future, and im not as afraid of it as i used to be. i just keep thinking about us and how many more amazing moments we are going to experience, all the beautiful things we will share, all the obsticals we will conquer. i am so lucky.
hmm, i should get some sleep though. night. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 2nd, 2004|03:37 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | rushed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Buck 65 - Pants On Fire | ] |
my neck hurts.. i dont want to go to work. im trying to figure out how the hell i can go through with the idea that i had, that i wanted to do today. its going to be a little harder then i thought. i think... *let me think* yeah it will. it is definately going to take me longer than an hour. so MELISSA, ugh crap.. i dont even have a phone at my place. ummm okay so here is what i will do, im going to give you a call from my moms house telling you when you can come over to MY house on smokey drive okay? im thinking at around 10:00pm but that might be too late? well i will call you.
what else.. spent a wonderful evening at my new place with melissa last night =) maybe i will elaborate when i get a chance. i have to go get dressed for work now. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 31st, 2003|10:43 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  optimistic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Cindy Lauper - Time After Time | ] |
im not sure if i am feeling better... it is too friggin early to tell. i have never went to sleep so early in probably about 5 or 6 years... i was asleep by 12 i think.. and i slept the whole night. i have been awake since about 9, just watching tv.. well fipping between cartoons and some woman doing some plumbing... found out that so far the death toll in bam is up to 30,000 and they think that the official count will be somewhere around 50,000 =(
now im eating probably my last home cooked breakfast that i will have in a long ass time. i have a couple peices of bacon and an aumlet and a piece of toast and beep, its yummy. its strange to be eating breakfast at breakfast time... usually that is around 12pm-1pm for me.
=) melissa is going to call me in as early as 30 mins from now, or as late as an hour and a half from now which makes me extremely happy. yesterday was the first day in more then 2 weeks that we havn't seen eachother, and it sucked. stupid work and me being sick. im so fucking unhealthy.. oh well i HAVE to go to the doctor atleast in a couple weeks to get my medication refilled. so yeah. she will be surprised to find out how much has happened. i have a girlfriend, i will be living on my own. heh, the last time i saw her she was patching up my arm, and told me i had a personality disorder that was beyond her expertise. i dont know... she is a bit of a quack if you ask me.
so i think i am feeling better... i took 2 more asprin a little while ago just because it probably cant hurt. i mean im always sore anyway.. blah
went downstairs and got some golden grahams... god damn these entries are pointless. oh yeah, this one or maybe one or two from now will be my last cause i am moving out. i might make an entry every now and again from jills shitty computer. but who knows. i think its time i start writting an actual journal. i used to be so creative when i wrote alot. i used to write so much poetry and i dont know. moving out is going to be so great for me, i just know it. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 30th, 2003|01:28 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Jimmy Eat World - Firestarter | ] |
golden grahams rock my world. now im eating cheese that my nanny baught me for christmas =) this one is called old nippy.. haha.
last night was great as it always is when i spend time with melissa. i took her out on a date, and this was the first official date i have ever been on, i never asked a girl to go out on a date with me =) mainly because i always rushed into relationships, and once i was in one i figured what would be the point in asking them out on a date if we are already going out? blah i dont know. it just felt right having melissa be the first girl i actually asked out on a "date" with me. i dont know, little things like that mean alot to me.
mmmmm this cheese is old canadian, and it was actually aged for one year. it is mm mmmmm good.
so brendan is coming up soon so i can give him the thomas bag i baught him at value village last night. it is a carry bag for the thomas trains and railway track, he is going to love it. i also baught him some sonic the hedgehog video tapes. he dosnt know who sonic is, exsept he has a sweater with sonic on it.. and i tried to explain to him who he was, but he didnt really get it. i even played the game for him.. but once he see's the video's im sure he will love and think sonic is the coolest. cause he is =) he could kick mario's ass any day.
and melissa baught me the coolest fucking lamp in life. i think i should bring it over to her house on new years eve so all can enjoy it. haha i just want to see it when i am drunk off of my ass.
shit well brendan just got here so im gonna take off =) |
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